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Back by unpopular demand, some junk I wrote over at the hipbase
(for all the original spelling errors, you'll have to go to the source) about the Hip running for office
and
making a movie, and also a pretty famous poem I hijacked during Christmas Time
in Toronto:
Vote For Prime Minister Of The Hipbase! (June 21, 2004) Without question, the most important
election of the year! The Tragically Hip: This Time It's Musical (February 1, 2005) In response to Dustin Hoffman's recent
assertion that Hollywood is creatively bankrupt, Columbia Tri-Star's Sandler
Studios (Famous for their 90 minute crap-a-thons featuring Canteen Boy himself)
in association with the Straight To Cable Corporation (A division of NewsCorp.)
figured the best way to cure their current script slump was to place an ad in
"Variety" offering $130 million dollars to the first person who could answer the
ad. "...When all through the 'Base" (December 16, 2004) 'Twas the night before Christmas, when
all through the ‘Base, Fun with letterjames.de:
The anticipation was palpable; something J-Monster could taste. Chris had made sure there were plenty of songs on the tracker While Lance and his Princess grabbed the boots they were after Most posters, like Worldpeace, were snug in their beds, Visions of last year danced in Kleh’s head; Under the sheets, with a twist and a turn Opiated wondered if the band would return When out on the lawn The Doctorb heard laughter, Problem Bears crossed the floor with a quick pitter patter. He arrived at the window and shouted to Mav: ”It looks like a rocking Christmas concert we’ll have!” For out on the breast of the new-fallen snow Shannon and Eric had already begun to say hello: Piper’s wondering eyes couldn’t grasp what appear: It was The Tragically Hip, with six cases of beer. While Bobby, Paul and Sinclair mingled and talked, Lizard King 51 just begged them to rock As Johnny hit on Jenna, the music further delayed Skippy, ‘Proud and Lilbones jumped in and played! Gord shouted: "Now, Hugh! Now, Carolyn! Now, Dire Wolf 74!” ”Tell us which songs you like and which you adore!” ”If Cfren wants to hear it, we’ll do what we can!” ”We’ll play hard for Summiteer with this makeshift band!" The boys then swarmed the stage with laughs and friendly nods. They enjoyed the volunteers, but valued their jobs. With great gusto and timing; into “No Threat” they threw, Soylent Greg was so excited he didn’t know what to do. And then, in a twinkling, Gangrel heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of 32 little hooves. Chancellor tossed up a glance, Beanmedic smelt the groove seed St. Nicholas had arrived; with a red sack full of weed. He was dressed all in fur, and the party was on, Blesser screamed; “Hey boys, play Santa a song!” Groveless T asked the Old Elf for a request, And Claus remarked that “Courage” was best. His eyes -- how they twinkled! His dimples how sweet! He smiled and greeted the Kings and Queens of Wheat. PRZ asked Father Christmas how his beard got so long, While Gibby kept trying to pass him the bong. Through this cool Christmas Eve the band continued to play, Highlander and Ron, hands joined, they swayed. Rory had gone and whipped up a very nice spread, ”Not even baseball’s this great!” The Horrible Esthete said. Dana and Fingernails pushed Rudolph to crowd surf, When Santa joined in; Hairbird collapsed under his girth. With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Fighter and Lover informed all; nobody was dead. With relief and good cheer the concert carried along, Darkest Canuck was sad as the band neared the last song, With reassuring glee Lofty Pines said “worry no more” And Jamie concurred, adding: “there’ll be an encore.” As Twinkie danced with elves, Emperor Penguin was heard to complain; He just stepped in deer poop of the variety Rein. Grats’99 suggested “On the Verge” for the big closer, 078 figured if she had the chance, she too would have chosen her. The last notes filled the air, the show was complete, Now early Christmas morning and Mike S was totally beat. Into the sleigh jumped Santa, his many elves too, They even left room for The Hip and their crew! Thehiprock and Tim Mac asked them for more Longseason knew t’was but a once-a-year score. Hawks ’77 said thanks on behalf of the ‘Base, Scottitude wiped away tears of joy from his face. Santa snuck in a wink and to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. TTHipfreak heard them exclaim, as they drove out of sight, "A Hip Christmas to all, and to all a good night!” The 2006 edition. Complete with fantastic artwork by Corby Hart T’was the night before Christmas and all through Hipbase The Hipheads were gathered for “The Amazing Race” When NegPhil explained that he was so inspired Sean Bonner agreed; all that travel had him wired And so with a nod, Lance gave the okay Princess booked the tickets for a group get-away This year would be different; all had a role This year the Hipbase was off to the North Pole The regulars by name, you know them all well They skipped and they jumped and their hearts they did swell For into a giant balloon they all gathered Prairieman and Zenith took care of boozing matters Bundled up well and with Pigography at the wheel They floated along until Crashman77 spotted a field “The North Pole!” exclaimed Dr. J with a smile and a wink The balloon then touched down near the lonely end of a rink As the ‘base disembarked, JC Shades noticed something when; Rushing down the ice came ten joyous men It was Bobby and Gord and Johnny and Paul Soon Sinclair appeared and there they were all Through the icy fog tfoe squinted to see The other five men were little indeed Except for one forward who was big red and jolly It was Santa and his elves vs. The Hip; what folly! As the game progressed Angels Wings made it a party well hosted While Bob the Critic made sure the chest nuts were roasted The Hip were beaten when Santa scored a goal that was tragic He touched his nose, looked up, and said, “that was pure magic.” It was Elliot G who finally introduced the whole crew Everyone greeted and asked the boys to play a few Haplo was the first to request a big hit A drunk Almost Hip yelled: “Pretend is the shit!” And so they did play, on this wintery eve MattyM and Zopust went and rolled up their sleeves They went about building a nice snowy igloo Of which Daryl24 promptly walked directly through Rebuilt in a hurry, it was the perfect fit for the clan Warm and cozy barrybre17 enjoyed watching the band Smg333 sat right next to the jolly fat man Santa screamed along with Gord and held Thompson Girl’s hand As the beers kept on flowing, Santa’s “naughty list” was proclaimed And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, Chris! Now, Jenna! Now, Corby and Direwolf74! Hugh! Shannon! I thought I warned you people before!” But the spirit of the season overcame the great Claus He began distributing gifts to everyone just because His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry He handed Mav a brand new shiny blackberry! From the stage Gord could see, his audience enthralled But not with him, but rather that big red butterball! With the stump of a butt he held tight in his teeth, Paul told Gord to chill; “He’s no spotlight thief.” Downie spoke not a word, but went straight to his work He began to rant and then turned with a quick jerk With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head Gord put on a rock’n roll show that was nuclear fed Soon Santa gave him a smile and began to bob his head Gord knew right away he had nothing to dread In fact, in the end he brought Sooguy and Santa on stage They all finished the show with “On The Verge” in a rage As the party wound down, invisibleairwaves passed out Bosman reminded Santa of his duty with a shout The old elf sprang up much faster than a shiver He remembered indeed that he had gifts to deliver The Hip were exhausted, another stellar show they had weathered It was agreed that the band and the ‘basers would all leave together And laying his finger aside of his nose, Gord launched the balloon and into the atmosphere they rose Santa himself sprang to his sleigh and to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. As the balloon passed the sleigh in the still of the night Sanata was heard to exclaim, ere he drove out of sight: “A Hip-Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!” 
All non-lyric content and Hip photographs © 2006 Stephen Dame  |
